My Name is Aaron Livesy
by DegniMan
Summary: As Jackson reaches his breaking point, Aaron reveals the depths of his devotion.


Feb. 7, 2011

Jackson stared into the video camera. Alone, he could be honest. To his video diary, he could speak what he didn't dare breathe to another living person. He could admit the truth about Aaron.

Right. He had to do this. He had to get this off his chest. Either that or choke from the pain inside him.

"All I want for him is to come through the door and tell me that he loves me, and for me to get out of the chair and just hold him."

God. How pathetic was he?

His voice crackled with pain. "That's not going to happen now. It's just not going to happen."

There it was.

Jackson tried to catch his breath, but once the tears came, they couldn't be held back, and he succumbed to the blackness.

In his mind's eye, he saw them so clearly, dancing close on the floor of Bar West, this Flynn wrapping his arms around Aaron, kissing him, doing all the things Jackson dreamed of doing to Aaron that he would be forever denied. Aaron would never be his to hold again. The sooner he accepted that, the better off he'd be.

There was a creak on the floorboard.

A shadow where there shouldn't be one fell on the right side of the bed.

"Mum…?" Jackson whispered.

Aaron stepped out of the shadows, his hands punched tight into the pockets into his leather jacket, his bright eyes glistening.

"Jackson –" he said softly, his voice trailing off.

"How long have you been there?" Jackson gasped. "You were supposed to be out with Flynn."

Aaron stared, a tear sliding down his cheek.

"Changed my mind. Thought I should check on you first. Mate –"

"Whatever you think you heard, it's not true, you've got it confused," Jackson said, his voice choked in desperation.

Aaron nodded glumly. "Right."

"I mean it. It's not what you think."

"The tough man again. All this time, you've been pushing me away. Telling me to get a life. I knew somethin' was up, I just couldn't figure it out. Why, Jackson?" Aaron's voice cracked. "Why are you doing this to both of us?"

Jackson couldn't listen to this. He felt so raw and exposed. "Mum! Mum!" he called out.

Aaron, to his surprise, joined him.

"Hazel!"

"Here, what's all the shouting about?"

Both were so worked up, neither one ever considered just how Hazel flew so quickly down the flight of stairs – or noticed that her eyes were a bit moist.

Jackson twisted his head in her direction. "Get him out of here, Mum. I don't want him here."

Aaron advanced on her with purpose. "Jackson and I need to sort some things out," he said, wiping his cheek quickly. "We'll be having a late night."

"Mum-"

Hazel looked into Aaron's eyes and made a decision then and there that she prayed she wouldn't regret. "Right. I'll just let you boys figure it out, then."

"Mum-" There was such anguish in Jackson's voice.

"Night, son," Hazel said, climbing back up the stairs.

"Mum!"

No answer.

"Just me and you, mate," Aaron said gently. "Long overdue, I say."

"I've got nothin' to say to you. It's late, and I want you to go."

"Feeling a bit knackered, are you?"

"Yeah. That's right. I was just about to call it a night."

Aaron paused. "Sounds right to me."

He pulled off his jacket and tossed on to the chair.

"What – what are you doing?"

"Getting ready for bed," Aaron said solemnly, kicking off his shoes. "You don't expect me to sleep in my clothes, do you?"

"What the hell do you think you're up to? You think you're staying here, you're bloody hell out of your mind –"

Aaron stripped off his jersey, revealing his defined torso. For a second, Jackson wasn't Jackson paralyzed in the bed, he was the Jackson who just a few months ago had led their dance, disrobing Aaron and taking him to bed. He hadn't seen him like this since the accident. God, he looked fitter, if that were possible. But Jackson had never known a man as beautiful as Aaron Livesy.

No. Jackson couldn't think like that. He had to stay strong.

"I'm telling you to get out. I'm not joking, Aaron."

"I think I've had enough of you giving me orders." Aaron spoke not with rancor or recrimination but with sorrow for the time they had both lost.

He opened his belt buckle and slipped out of his pants. Jackson exhaled softly. Aaron stood there in all his glory, in nothing but a tight pair of briefs. Jackson's eyes dropped to the bulge at his crotch and then jerked his gaze to the ceiling.

"What are you doing, Aaron?" There was a pleading in his voice that hadn't been there a minute ago.

"I'm getting into bed with my boyfriend. Something I've been wanting and missing for months."

"Don't."

"Right. First up," Aaron said, suddenly taking note of the video camera. He switched it off and pulled the tray away from the bed. "We're not making a pervy video," he smiled shyly.

He returned to the other side of the bed, never taking his eyes off Jackson. He pulled up on the covers and slipped in beside him.

"Please, Aaron, don't humiliate me like this."

Aaron gently tugged on Jackson's limp form and held him close, wrapping him against his body, pressing Jackson's head against his chest.

He kissed his forehead.

Jackson exhaled deeply and closed his eyes, lost in the comfort. The warmth – the touch - the smell of Aaron – he'd longed for it, he'd thought of it, he'd dreamt of it for so long – and now Aaron was holding him, gently, his left arm wrapped around his shoulders, his hand stroking Jackson's hair.

"Jackson?"

It took a long moment for Jackson to find his voice.

"I - I can hear your heartbeat," he said softly, his defenses crumbling, the tears slipping out.

"So then you can feel something."

"Aaron, this is torture. I can't hold you proper. I can't touch you. I can't give you anything. Don't you see, I'm just trying to give you your life back."

"How about you stop telling me what we can't do and we focus on what we can?"

"It makes no difference –"

Aaron kissed him long and hard on the lips. Jackson tried to resist, but the pressure of Aaron's hot mouth on his own, his tongue probing insistently, was too much. He returned the embrace, and suddenly there they were on the bed, making out as if the months had never passed, as if the accident had never happened. For long moments they remained like that, their mouths hungrily taking in each other.

Jackson jerked his head, catching his breath. "This is all I can ever give you. It won't be enough. I can never satisfy you."

Aaron held up his right hand.

"Right. See this? This is your hand. It does whatever you tell it to do."

"Don't be daft, Aaron," Jackson whispered.

"Go ahead. Make it do something. It only obeys you."

"Aaron –"

Aaron kissed him again and smiled. "Anything you want," he repeated, breathing heavily.

Jackson considered him.

"Touch – touch your nipple."

Aaron moved his fingers to squeeze his nipple. "Like this?"

Jackson hesitated.

"Harder."

Aaron closed his eyes, pinched his nipple and moaned. "Jackson, you feel so good."

Jackson kissed Aaron's neck.

"Touch – touch your cock."

Aaron's hand slipped down into his briefs, tugging on his thick shaft. "Like this?" he whispered.

"Yes. Like that."

They kissed again.

"Stroke it," Jackson ordered.

That's how they made love, Jackson's imagination directing Aaron's body, binding the two of them more intimately than they ever had been before in their lives. For long moments, they played with each other, Jackson kissing him passionately, directing his touch, driving Aaron further on.

"Jackson," Aaron groaned. "I'm getting close, I'm getting so close."

"Keep stroking it," Jackson said, running his tongue up Aaron's neck and nibbling furiously. "Don't stop."

Aaron was moaning now, full on. "Jackson," he breathed. "Harder. Bite me harder. Ohh. Oh, yeah," Aaron moaned, tightening his grasp around Jackson and suddenly bucking.

# # #

Aaron cleaned himself up and lowered the bed. He slipped back under the covers, beside Jackson, and pulled him close again to his chest.

"See, I don't take much room at all," he whispered.

Jackson replied slowly. "You take all the room in my universe."

Their eyes locked.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No," Jackson replied.

They fell asleep, their bodies pressed against one another, Aaron's arm protectively around Jackson, Jackson's head on the crook of Aaron's shoulder.

###

"We forgot to put this away," Aaron said, picking up the video camera off the tray.

"Just leave it," Jackson said. "You're already late for work."

Aaron pulled on his jersey and then fingered the video camera as if he were actually seeing it for the first time.

"Yeah, well, there's still one thing we can do with this."

He pushed on the light, placed it back on the tray and arranged the rollaway so that the camera captured him and Jackson in the same frame.

"My name- "

He cleared his throat.

"My name is Aaron Livesy. Jackson Walsh is my boyfriend. I don't know when I fell in love with him, exactly. Maybe it was the first time he kissed me outside Bar West. Or the time he just showed up in court after I had punched him out. Or maybe after the first time we made love like proper blokes. I dunno, exactly."

He looked down at Jackson, who was hanging on his every word.

"He's the strongest man I know. I love him more than I did yesterday. And I'll love him more tomorrow. That's all you – whoever you are watching this – need to know."

As an afterthought, he added, "And you're a bit nosey for watching this, if you don't mind me saying."

He shot a grin at Jackson, who returned it tenfold, beaming at him.

Aaron flicked off the switch.

He looked down at Jackson. "What say we put this away for a while and maybe talk to each other?"

"Yeah, mate, that'd be OK," Jackson managed.

Aaron kissed him full on the lips. "I'll see you tonight for tea."

"Don't you be tardy," Jackson called out.

###

Aaron was about twenty minutes late to the garage, and as he expected, his Uncle Cain and Ryan gave him a hard time. "Did Flynn give you all those hickies?" Cain demanded, pointing a wrench in Aaron's direction.

"Who?" Aaron scoffed. "I got these from my boyfriend Jackson," he said proudly.

Ryan looked confused. Cain grinned broadly. "Good for you, you cheeky boy."

###

After three weeks of Aaron coming round every single night, Hazel put her foot down. Aaron moved into the house the next day.

###

A month later, as Jackson and Aaron rested together, spent after another round of love-making, Jackson felt the first tinglings in his fingers.

# # #


End file.
